The Blessings of Failures
‘God dammit, look what I did.’
‘I’m such a failure.’
‘There I go, screwing up again.’
‘Why do I have to be such a f**k up?’
‘Why can’t I be good at anything?’
Have thoughts like these ever gone through your head? Have you ever kicked yourself for not succeeding at something? If you have, then perhaps you’re looking at failures in a negative light.
You say: “Duh Sean! Failures are negative! How could they not be?”
Ahhh, grass hopper! Let’s take a dive into the realm of altered perception…
What are failures?
- They are not signs to tell you to stop trying.
- They are not signs for you to give up.
- They are not signs that you do not have the ability to be successful.
What I believe failures are, are opportunities.
Opportunities to grow! They are successes in finding one more way something doesn’t work, or one more area in our life to improve so we can build a magnificent structure.
What’s the structure? YOU ARE!
Wouldn’t you rather the structural support beams you create for a building collapse immediately…rather than put them up, create a magnificent building upon the faulty support systems, and then watch it all come crumbling down after so much time and energy has been put into creating it?
The analogy is like YOU becoming super successful, but with faulty foundations to sustain your success, in which case what you have achieved blows up to hell.
Personally, I would hope that the faulty support beams crumble immediately before building upon them. In that case, I would welcome failures so I could create a sturdy foundation.
Noone avoids failure
There are several things you can be absolutely certain about in life, and one of them is that you will fail. No doubt about it, you will have many failures in your life. In fact, you’ll probably have more failures than you do successes. It’s your choice if those ‘failures’ are negative experiences or not. I personally believe that there is no right or wrong, good or bad…a concept I learned from my dear mentors Scott deMoulin and his wife Dallyce Brisbin. We can look at the time we fell off our first two wheeled bicycle as a failure, or we could just laugh and jump back on, and not even remember falling off because the so called ‘failure’ wasn’t even something our innerself identified with as a failure.
Count your failures, count your blessings
No, I’m not telling you to count two different things. I’m telling you to count the SAME thing! Failures and blessings: they’re one and of the same. They are part of the same piece. It’s the yin to the yang when you adopt the perspective I am suggesting.
You see, what we view in life, no matter what it may be, is viewed through the spectacles of perception. Failure and success are in and of themselves merely perceptions of our own choosing (though many people don’t realize there is in fact a choice). If that’s the case, could we not look at our failures simply as blessings preparing us for our magnificent future?
Burned to hell
I’ve been burned. In fact I’ve been burned really bad…
Really, really bad…
REALLY REALLY REALLY FLIPPIN’ SUPER BAD!!!
But I don’t define myself by the times I’ve been burned.
I do not define myself by my failures…
Nor do I define myself by my successes.
The definition of the I that I am is simply a being that is on this earth to experience life’s ups and downs, the beauty’s and the torments, the love and the darkness. That is the definition of who I am. That is the definition of my highest self.
Okay, so I do define myself a bit by my successes…
If you’ve read some of my past posts you’ll have been witness to the fact that I enjoy some paradoxes and contradictions that eastern philosophies truly embrace.
While I just said that I am defined as an experiential being…I do see that as one part of my definition. It is what I believe to be my core essence that is not maintained by my ego.
But we do live in a world where ego is an entity, and that’s okay! That’s fine and dandy! Like I said earlier, there is nothing right or wrong, good or bad about anything…that goes for the ego as well.
Side note: If you’ve never learned about the separateness of the ego and that which you truly are, order Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘A New Earth’ immediately. Right now! DO IT!
In the realm of my ego, I define my success by the amount of love and connection I am able to share and create with people. And I can guarantee you if you ask anyone who is in my life, they’ll tell you I create a lot of it!
How do I do it? I believe part of it is due to the little focus on failures and hurts in my life. While some people will have a failure and take it with them to their grave…I see failures as opportunities to grow. Opportunities to learn more, and opportunities to love more.
The same goes for being hurt or having a crushed heart. I view them as opportunities to grow…to learn more…to love more…to practice forgiveness, compassion…and most importantly practicing presence and non-attachment to the needs and hunger of the ego.
If my focus was on failures throughout life, the love within me wouldn’t have room to grow and connect to others.
How do you define yourself?
I believe that the true definition of the higher self for all of us would be very close to what I mentioned earlier: in that we are experiential beings here to experience everything from the ups and downs, to the beauty and torment, all while coming from a place of non judgement (as that’s the essence of the higher self).
Again though, in the nature of embracing and accepting the fact that we have an ego that enjoys various pleasures and successes, how do you define yourself? What drives you most? To help figure it out, knowing your deepest need will help…
What is your fundamental human need?
Tony Robbins says that we all have six human needs; fundamental drives within each one of us that compel us forward in a quest to experience a life of meaning. Those six needs contain the…
Four primal needs:
- Certainty
- Uncertainty/Variety
- Significance
- Connection/Love
And the two spiritual needs:
- Growth
- Contribution
Tony suggests that while everyone contains all six, we are each driven most by two out of the six, and that it is all dependent upon the individual.
Picking two out of the six is a little tough for me…but I can tell you my very deepest need:
Personal Connection/Love
There’s a reason I have so many very dear people in my life I call family. It’s because of this need that is so true to my core.
Defining yourself through your fundamental need
So what is your deepest need? When you read the six variations above, which is the one that stands out to you the most?
After knowing that, you should be a step closer to defining yourself too. The definition I gave myself earlier was:
“In the realm of my ego, I define my success as the amount of love and connection I am able to share and create with people.”
Remember, this isn’t an end-all definition. If I meditated on the definition of my true self for a longer period of time, I would probably come with a much more indepth answer. A month or even a year from now my answer would most likely be completely different as well. I believe we are ever-evolving, so a definition that changes is completely natural.
From failure to needs to self definition
We’ve covered a lot of concepts in this post. So I’m excited to read your thoughts and responses. To help organize your thoughts, here are the topics and questions to consider in your response:
- What failures in your life have you experienced that could really be blessings?
- What is your most fundamental human need (1 out of the 6)? Can you pick 2? Why do you choose that one?
- What is your one sentence definition of yourself?
Remember, there is no right or wrong, good or bad. Whether is, is. Allow your failures to be learning lessons that propel you to ultimate success!
I’m really looking forward to dialoging about this subject! After you respond, do check back to see my reply to you, and feel free to consider this blog post a forum to openly chat about these concepts.
Image Courtesy of Flickr Administrator
Tags: Awareness, Failure, Personal Growth, Success
Alright everyone let’s hear what your answers are to those 3 questions!
Looking forward to discussing it!
–Sean Patrick Simpson
The Mindset Apprentice
That was a great read. And yes our failures are excellent learning tools. I quite often think of the phrase, “failure is not falling down, it’s staying down.” I don’t know who said it, but it keeps me going when I meet with obstacles in my life. Thanks!
Thank you Dennis! That is such a great phrase you wrote, I like it a lot! It was actually said by Mary Pickford. There is also a very similar chinese proverb that says: “Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.”
–Sean Patrick Simpson
The Mindset Apprentice
LOVE the analogy about creating the building with faulty beams! Failures help us see the contrast and from contrast we get to see our desires. Great post! ~Sue
Absolutely Sue! I was excited when that faulty beams analogy came to me.
Contrast: Without failures, how could there be success? We so offer try to polarize things, but when it comes down to it all is one. Like I mentioned with the Yin & Yang. On a surface level it looks like the Yin and Yang are two different entities. But when you step away from it, you realize that it is all one. It is all a part of the same “universe.” The circle that the Yin and Yang is contained within is it’s own universe…
…So is the same with what we call good and bad, right or wrong. They are all part of our same universe, and we don’t need to make anything wrong.
On my personal journey, I believe life is about learning, growing, and evolving…the failures simply help us in that process!
–Sean Patrick Simpson
The Mindset Apprentice
Every single one of them. The journey of my life has been discovering how the worst things that can happen can be turned to something positive. I’ve been through just about all of it. Health concerns, abuse (of all kinds, and yes, including THAT one), unemployment, homelessness, being alienated from my family; alone, pregnant and unemployed.
Each of them gave me lessons.
Each of them gave me strength.
Each of them was a gateway, once I embraced the seeds of it, to turn my life into something better.
From being unemployed, I learnt how self-confidence was the key and stepped into a job at double my previous income. Oh yes, and then I did it again. And again. I’m now in a nicely paid professional job (and contemplating my next jump).
From being abused I learnt that the only rights you have are the ones you’re willing to fight for, and started on a long journey learning how to break out of the insidious victim mentality that I’m now able to help others by sharing.
From being alone and pregnant, I learnt how to take that big emotional step, re-connected with my family and found a wonderful home for my son, who I love dearly. His new parents are also wonderful friends. Oh yes, and it’s through him that I discovered you on twitter…
From being homeless I learnt how to attract the kind of place I wanted to live in, ended up renting at half the going rate in a top suburb, and eventually manifested the fantastic little apartment I’m buying (all by myself) right now.
Life is full of lessons. I can’t remember who said it (I think it was in a Rich Dad, Poor Dad book) but “the fastest way to success is to start failing faster.”
And you know what? That’s why your destiny is one of greatness and nothing else! BECAUSE you have CHOSEN to view all these challenges as learning and growth opportunities, you are everyday becoming a more and more aware, conscious, and present individual.
Before you know it you WILL have that next jump in income and continue to have those quantum leaps as long as you continue to learn, grow, and aspire.
I’m so happy for you and that you were able to break out of that victim mentality from your time of being abused. That is so great.
Regarding being alone and pregnant: Wow! That is incredible, and I have so much respect that you were able to find the good in that, and again, release the victim mentality and instead grow! I’m curious, how did you discover me on twitter through your son? How old is he now?
Being homeless: Wow! How long were you homeless for? What was it like DURING that time. Was it hard? How did you remain ‘conscious’ of the growing experience and realize that all was meant to be?
You are incredible! Thank you for the great response that added value!
–Sean Patrick Simpson
**The Mindset Apprentice**
Twitter @vpsean
Hey Sean, great article and considering that I know you wrote this in the middle of the night even better. I am not young enough to pull that off anymore…
#1 for me my first position out of college was with a great small company of people who had big ideas and would move water and ocean to see them through. Well that turned out to be not enough in this case. After 2 years of struggle, (tech crashes, 911, a mad cow) we had to fold up our tarp.
In that time I was able to be a student of how mindset and people react to the comfort zone being removed, from fighting for things harder to some becoming horribly ugly people.
Through it all I had the best mentors in the world, learned the skills to be in business for myself and have almost everyone of the people I stuck with as family, clients and my biggest cheerleaders. Did I lose money…Yes. Am I still paying for it… yes financially but other then that the success outweighed the lose by far.
#2 Growth, Connection and Love - For me there is not much more, if you don’t have connection and love you are missing the greatest joy in the world, the rest will come if you have that one.
and for me I feel we are meant to grow our entire lives and if you stop growing the world starts to get very small around you. I look at my parents for that one, I have never seen them try to learn anything new in the last 20 years and now they really don’t know any more then the local community about 15 miles around there house and what they are fed on the news.
#3 My Sentance… LOL! I go through life with a sponge mentality, the more I can soak up the better and when I can’t hold anymore then I have lots to share.
That’s awesome Derek! The majority of the U.S., when they are losing money it becomes pretty much the worst thing that could possibly happen in their life! What you were able to do in stepping aside and realizing that the blessings you received far outweighed the hardship is fantastic!
It’s important for us to remember that despite the recession, we’re one of the wealthiest places in the world! Compare ourselves to the third world countries, and those with the lowest income are living in luxury right now!
Living from a detachment from the money is a great place to be! (not to say we can’t desire to have money or strive for having incredible financial freedom; but when you come from that place of being first, then you are in a great place!)
As for growth, connection and love: I agree! All three of those are part of the 6 Fundamental Needs we humans have (which I discuss in my latest post here.
I believe we are meant to grow our entire lives too! In fact, when I find myself not growing, that’s when I’m unhappy! I have an incredible yearning and desire to grow that is so strong, it will keep me persistent through any hardships to develop that growth.
The sponge mentality is something we are TOTALLY in line with!
Cheers!
–Sean Patrick Simpson
**The Mindset Apprentice**
Twitter ID @vpsean
Hello Sean,
it’s only now that I read this post - I had bookmarked it :p
Such a great post. Failure.
Everybody is scared of failure. This is what makes us hesitate before taking action or moving forward.
With people sometimes bringing you down and pin pointing your failures rather than your successes, it is so understandable for people not to regard failures as blessings.
As you said, No one can avoid failure.
I used to focus and count my failure instead of acknowledging them, learning from them and move on.
But Life does not wait for you to get decided…
Life just goes on .. you have to catch up with it!
There are so many wonderful things out there.. that we would miss if we just gave up when we failed the first few trials…
Was deeply touched by’CrystalsQuest’s comment.
She is a fighter! and an example that failures do bring blessings
That it simply part of the journey…
Sandrine,
Great to hear from you!
You make a great point about how some people will point out the failures more than successes. What this presents however IS actually a great opportunity to learn and grow.
Instead of trying to change the people who have a knack for pointing out failures, why not use it to our advantage? How about instead of waiting for them to point out things in which we respond by feeling bad about, how about asking them for their suggestions about certain things? “Hey, what do you think about this? How do you think it could be improved?”
Or course we don’t want to necessarily encourage them pointing out flaws, but it could give us an opportunity if we respond in the right way.
It is SO true. There are many, many, wonderful things out there that we could miss if we just gave up…that reminds me of a blog post I’ll have to write and share about a very, VERY famous man who had a LOT of trails and tribulations throughout his life, and is now one of the most memorable people across the entire globe…yet he persisted…look forward to that one!
–Sean Patrick Simpson
**The Mindset Apprentice**
Connecting Voracious Learners to the Wisdom of Thought Leaders
Twitter me @vpsean